So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
