She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
