shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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