O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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