the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
