fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
