That's intense
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
