I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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