We're like a lot better than the average bears
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she woke up with a sticky ear
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
