Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
