I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
