I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
