THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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