Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
