she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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