is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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