it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm passing your future prison.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My vagina is officially offended.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
