so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
