I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
