She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
