Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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