Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Life is so much better after having sex.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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