$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Couch. On fire.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
