did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
