life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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