they need to just BURY HIM!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
