I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have fence marks all over my body
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
