The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
