dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
