Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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