at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
