Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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