If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
