At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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