o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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