I accidentally burped into my bong.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
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