hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I AM VODKA MAN
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
