When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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