i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
