guys are only as good as the porn they watch
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
