I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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