I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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