fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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