Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
