not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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