i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
