he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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