He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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