Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
