ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
