I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You are a genius and a whore.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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