I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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