On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
